There are few things better than a good conversation. My husband and I are traveling a lot this coming month, and our pending flights and car rides give us a lot of time to catch up on some much needed chatting.
It’s amazing how little time a couple spends in actual conversation. A study that was conducted reports that with each passing year of marriage, couples talked less and less, with many married couples averaging less than a few minutes of conversation. Though I don’t know how accurate that statistic is, one thing I do know is this – for some couples, the demands of life and kids and career means this: conversation doesn’t always come easy.
What I gather from the couples I meet with is that it’s not that they don’t want to have a conversation, it’s just they don’t always know where to begin. What do you talk about? How do you take the conversation deeper? How do you go about being deliberate in engaging with one another?
One of my favorite ways to make the most of potential talk time, is to have a question/answer time. Whether a list on paper, or on strips in a jar, it can be a really fun and practical way to sit down with your spouse and have a really good chat.
As human beings we are in a state of constant transition. Communication and conversation is the only way to stay in tune with one another along the transitions and changes that life will bring our way. We are being recreated and molded into something new each and every single day, it’s important to keep up with one another by making time for conversation. There is always something to be learned, and something new to be discovered.
No matter what it is you talk about, make sure your questions address these three levels of conversation: Level 1- facts, Level 2- opinions, Level 3- feelings. Each level takes your conversation one notch deeper, giving you the opportunity to really connect and share your heart with one another. By using the three levels, you’re allowing the conversation to go deep, but not so deep that you can’t “come up for air” like my husband says. (For an in-depth look at Levels of Conversation, check out Part 2 of my book, True Love Dates!)
Why not start today and make it a priority to set aside the time to connect with your spouse? Here are some of the Q&As my husband and I discussed this weekend. Feel free to borrow from the questions below, and then add your own!
Level 1 Questions: Facts
1. What did you do today? How was your week?
2. What do you have on the agenda for the weekend?
3. What are some projects you’re working on?
4. What’s something interesting you’ve read?
5. What’s something that made you smile today?
Level 2 Questions: Opinions/Ideas
6. What are your thoughts about ____________ (choose a specific topic or issue – preferably not something that will get heated in discussion).
7. What is your favorite thing about this time of year and why?
8. Where do you see us in 5 years?
9. What is something you would like to see us work on in our relationship?
10. What are some things you are personally working on changing in your life?
Level 3: Feelings
11.What is something you’re feeling stressed/anxious/sad about?
12. What was most exciting/joyful/happy part of your week?
13. What is something you’re looking forward to?
14. How can I be praying for you?
15. What lessons is God teaching you right now?
What are some questions that have led you and your partner to meaningful conversation?
Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, national speaker, and author of the book True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life. You may also recognize her voice from her 150+ articles at Relevant Magazine or Crosswalk.com! She’s also the creator of this True Love Dates Blog, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love! Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter!
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