There’s something really discouraging about being in a one-way relationship. A relationship in which you are doing all the work, and putting in most of the effort. A relationship in which you find yourself on an emotional roller-coaster, one day confused, one day elated, but always lacking in direction.
The interesting thing about these kind of relationships, is that it’s so easy to recognize them in the lives of others…
But in our own lives, we can’t seem to see them for ourselves.
I meet young men and women who are living a “desperate” life by the way they choose to act and interact with the opposite sex. Wanting so badly to find love, they’ll do anything to make it happen. Finding excuse after excuse; continuing to go back to a relationship- or even the hope of a relationship- that does not reflect love in any way shape or form.
One-sided, non -reciprocated, hard-to-get relationships. Maybe, he’s just not that into you.
As hard as that may be to swallow, it’s also a message of hope. Because true, life-long, healthy relationships are made up of two people who are just as into one another. We are so desperate for the chase, that we don’t realize that true love has nothing to do with “getting” someone to like you, and everything with them “choosing” to love you. You are so worth that! It’s important to realize that if you find yourself in a relationship with someone who is unable to give and receive in such a way- maybe the problem is more about them than it is about you. Maybe it’s time to walk away. I look back at my relationship history, and thank God for the guys that were “just not that into me”, because those are the very things that God used to lead me in the right direction, and ultimately to the right man. Though it hurt like crazy at the time, I couldn’t be more thankful that He did, and my life is all the better for it.
If you find yourself stuck in this kind of negative pattern with someone, it’s time to take inventory of the kind of people you’re allowing into your life. The bottom line is that if you recognize one or more of these kind of interactions, is to consider the reality that maybe he’s just not that into you.
1. Getting stood up, pushed to the back-burner, or ignored is not an exception, it’s the norm.
2. He doesn’t put effort into initiating interactions or conversations.
3. His words speak louder than his actions, and his actions don’t speak much.
4. You are the one who is always texting first, calling first, communicating first.
5. He treats other girls like he treats you.
6. He talks to you about other girls…or worse yet, checks out other girls.
7. He keeps making excuses for why he can’t be there.
8. You’re constantly feeling disappointed, discouraged, or let down.
9. You’ve been spending a significant amount of your time trying to interpret the mixed signals wondering if he “loves me” or “loves me not”.
10. He tells you he’s not ready for a relationship, but then wants to be physical.
11. He has no boundaries with the opposite sex.
12. You find yourself making excuses for him time and time again.
13. You feel like you’re giving more than you’re getting.
Like any healthy interaction, dating relationships, should also be reciprocal. Two people involved. Two people invested. Two people pursuing and being pursued. Two people committing, caring, and communicating. Two people who are putting in the same amount, and receiving even more…
Why do we allow ourselves to settle for less? It’s time to trust God for more. We deserve to be loved just as we are giving love, and in romantic relationships, this is how God intended it to be. Two people, building, edifying, encouraging, and investing in one another.
Wait for that, because anything less is not worthy of the wait. Nor will it ever be.
Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. Her newest book, Choosing Marriage, is set to be released in the Summer of 2018! You may also recognize her voice from her 200+ articles at Relevant Magazine, Crosswalk.com, and all over the web! She’s the creator of this True Love Dates Blog, reaching millions of people with the message that healthy people make healthy relationships! Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter or book a session with her today!
Looking to understand why he hasn’t asked you out? Check out my in-depth look from a Counselor’s perspective of the 10 Reasons He Hasn’t Asked You Out: And What You Can Do About It!