Have you ever felt like you needed some “spice” in your marriage?
I know I have at times. Because like anything in life, sometimes in marriage we experience highs and lows, but more often- we experience neutrals. There are days filled with love, passion and excitement. And there are other days when you feel hurt, frustrated, and irritated.
As a Professional Counselor, I tend to see couples during their “extremes”. When they come to see me for counseling, they are usually at an extremely low point in their relationship. Hearts have been broken, trust has been fractured, and hope is holding on by a thread. As important as it is to seek counseling at this point in our relationship- what would happen if we didn’t wait for the extremes?
What I mean by that, is that so often in marriage we’re living in neutral. We’re in cruise control- just trying to survive. We take a look at our relationship and see that things aren’t “bad”, and so we just keep plugging along, trying to stand our ground.
But what we don’t realize about marriage is that if we’re not ACTIVELY moving forward- we’re moving backward. The moment we stop taking steps toward one another, is the moment we begin to gain distance, disconnect, and the most dangerous thing of all….apathy.
Believe it or not, apathy is worse than any other emotion in marriage, because it is a reflection that something is dying. Anger in a relationship usually reflects deep hurt, excitement usually reflects heightened connection, but apathy….apathy reflects disconnect.
Because in the world of marriage if you’re living life in neutral, you’re actually losing ground (Tweet it!)
If you’re feeling apathetic in your relationship, and living life in neutral- maybe it’s time to do something about it. Because no matter how much we want to have a nourished marriage, we are the only ones who can create it. If you’re feeling apathetic toward your partner- here are a few simple things to practice over the course of the next 6 months that can begin to reestablish your connection, your intimacy, and your excitement:
Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, speaker, and author of the book True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, and 21 Days to Jump Start Your Love Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. You may also recognize her voice from her 150+ articles at Relevant Magazine or Crosswalk.com! She’s also the creator of this True Love Dates Blog! Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter!