10 Things You Need to Talk About BEFORE You Get Married

In Premium Content Library by Debra Fileta20 Comments

When it comes to wedding planning, there is a tendency to focus on the minor details while neglecting the main point; planning the wedding, while neglecting to plan the marriage.

The epidemic of extravagant weddings is seeping into our culture in an unmistakable way. Turn on the TV at any given time and you will find a plethora of shows centered on the concept of achieving the so-called perfect wedding.

The wedding planning process includes finding the perfect dress, landing the perfect reception hall, making sure you’ve got the right flowers, food, cake, music, wedding party, DJ, photographer, centerpieces, invitations, ceremony, rings, shoes and more.  While there is no doubt that there is value in celebrating such a sacred day, is it possible that in our celebration- sometimes we miss the focus? Is it possible that we over prepare for the wedding, yet under prepare for the marriage?

Far beyond planning the particulars of a wedding day, the time of engagement is a really sacred time. More than simply planning the details of a wedding, it’s a chance to get to the bottom of who you are and reflect on the person you want to become. It’s an opportunity to connect with and continue getting to know the heart of the precious partner God has placed in your life.

For my husband and I, our engagement was a rich time of really digging deep and learning everything we could know about the person we would soon vow to commit the rest of our lives to. It was a time of laughter, a time of tears, and a time of prayer. We read books, met with mentor couples, and invested in pre-marital counseling along the way, knowing that THIS was our one chance to iron out the details, and prepare our hearts for a lifetime.

If you are engaged or planning on getting there in the near future, realize that this is the time to begin working, preparing and planning for the marriage you hope to build.  

As you reflect on some of the most important aspects of planning a marriage, here are some must-have conversations before you walk down the aisle:

Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, speaker, and author of the book True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. You may also recognize her voice from her 150+ articles at Relevant Magazine or Crosswalk.com! She’s also the creator of this True Love Dates Blog!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter

Leave a Reply

20 Comments on "10 Things You Need to Talk About BEFORE You Get Married"

Notify of
avatar
Sort by:   newest | oldest | most voted
Melinda Galloway
Guest

great advice Debra 🙂

Angelina
Guest

So many wonderful points! And I agree with them completely. So many people get wrapped up about that one special day, that they forget about just how they are going to “live happily ever after” if you know what I mean. They see Wedding Day as the grand finale of the story, and not the beginning of a new chapter. Just one question, should these topics be discussed only after engagement, or are there some that you can discuss earlier on in the relationship?

Sharon
Guest
This is a great list that really should be worked thru by every couple. Having been married before I can’t even express how big discussing expectations can be. This is more than a one time discussion. You may not even be aware of your expectations. It’s an important point of prayer and journaling. I think it’s potentially the greatest places (yes, plural) of conflict and areas of hurt. To many of us have entered marriage thinking we will work thru them when they arise. Yes, you will but it can cause deep wounds. Work this out between you and God… Read more »
Rhoda
Guest

This is so so true. Thanks Debra. You are always a blessing.
God bless you.

ljb
Guest
These are absolutely on point and i agree with every one. The only thing i want to add is there are many of us who had those crucial conversations while dating and engaged who found out after the wedding that unfortunately their partner lied in their responses. Outright deceptively lied. While i understand that we cannot control the level of truth shared and these questions still need to be asked. I wish their were more christian articles that included a section on how to attempt to uncover deception or what to be on the look out for that might raise… Read more »
Nelle
Guest

I think this is where we need to have others involved. eg… friends, family, counselors, church member, pastors, etc… I walked into this also and it is devastating and leads to many other complications in the relationship.

I am much healthier, after learning about boundaries, listening to my gut about others, and the Lords grace and healing in my life.

Sharon
Guest

Debra I look forward to that article. I also found out after getting married I had been lied to. I’m trying to learn how to trust again and how can I move toward relationships instead of away from them.

Daniel
Guest

Sounds good! Oh… if we could all be so honest with each other! Not just dating but those who are married. The most intimate of sharing. As a single man I find it refreshing meeting Christian people who relate to God and others according to their position vs. their performance. Broken together as a team of two kind of sums it up. God is good and marriage is a beautiful and sacred union. Thanks again Debra for good sound advice and sharing experiences to benefit others.

Helen
Guest

Thank you so much, Debra! This is very helpful. I will encourage my bf to read it too, at the right timing.

vincent
Guest

Debra, the above article is inspiring and educative as ever. Hope singles and those planning for marriage would take note of the above points.

Steve S.
Guest

Very helpful article Debra, these are important things to use for a foundation. I would just say you missed two or three other very crucial points for couples.

Nelle
Guest

Steve S.
What would you say are the other crucial points that need to be covered?
Nelle

Nicole
Guest

Your Godly wisdom is a blessing . Everything I have read in your blog & book is just what I need to hear in my time of dating and now engagement . As I plan for my second wedding , I am much more intentional about planning for the marriage . The wedding will last a few hours , but the marriage will last ” till death do us part ” . Thank you for speaking the truth in love ????

wpDiscuz