10 Things Single Guys Want Single Girls to Know

In Advice and Encouragement, Dating, For the Ladies, Relationships, Single by Debra Fileta86 Comments

Ever wish you could get a glimpse into the mind of the opposite sex?

Just to get a clue, I posed a question on social media asking single guys what word of advice they wanted single girls to know about interacting with them.

It was fun to see the answers come rolling in. Here are some of the favorites!

#1: If you’re interested- make it obvious. We’re not good with subtlety, and we definitely can’t read your mind.

#2: …And, by the way, we can’t read your mind.

#3: If you’re not interested- don’t play games.

#4: Always be yourself and celebrate your uniqueness. Don’t try to be something you’re not.

#5: If we ask you out, do us the favor of actually responding. Even if it’s a no – don’t just avoid answering.

#6: Don’t flaunt yourself. Believe it or not, modesty is attractive to a lot of us guys. Especially the good ones.

#7: Remember- we’re human, and we will make mistakes.

#8: Don’t blame all of us for the mistakes of some (or even the mistakes of one).

#9: Realize that we’ve got our own insecurities, too.

#10: Be patient with us. If we haven’t asked you out- there’s probably a good reason.

Single and want to learn more about attracting the right kind of relationship? Pick up my book True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life. Stay tuned for Part 2 of this post from the single ladies to the single guys! 

Comment below: Single ladies, what did you think of their advice? Single guys, what are some other things you want single girls to know? 

Are you ready for love? Join hundreds of others singles and jump-start your love life today! Click on the photo below for details!

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Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, national speaker, and author of True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life21 Days to Jump Start Your Love Life, and 21 Days to Pray For Your Love Life – where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. You may also recognize her voice from her 150+ articles at Relevant Magazine or Crosswalk.com! She’s also the creator of this True Love Dates Blog!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter or book a session with her today!

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86 Comments on "10 Things Single Guys Want Single Girls to Know"

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Christine
Guest

Great list! But I’d like some clarity on #1, especially in light of #6. Given that guys and girls may have different definitions of ‘subtlety,’ what would a guy consider an obvious (but appropriate) way for a girl to show she’s interested in him?

Bo
Guest
Giving us hints is very important. The guy that wrote “we’re not good with subtlety” is probably more of the engineering-minded guy that might need a 2×4 to the face with the words “ask me” written on it to get it. To me, though, this means flirting and giving us an opportunity to ask. I have a date scheduled soon because the girl out of nowhere said, “Have you ever had (a certain name of Thai food)?” I new exactly what she was doing—she was setting me up to ask and I happily took the bait. 😉 Just think of… Read more »
Kelsie
Guest

Bo,

I just laughed out loud at your post. I think this is great!!

Chloe
Guest

Bo –
Oh my stars – I love this comment so much!
Ladies – ran across this article yesterday about how to let a guy know you’re interested…
thoughts?
In Christ,
Chloe

Bo
Guest

Thanks for the compliments! And actually, that’s another great way to show a guy you’re interested: give him a genuine compliment. (It’s not a 2×4 approach, but it can cause us normal guys to notice when it’s mixed with the other subtleties of flirting: smiling, playfulness, twirling your hair, etc.)

Michelle
Guest

Thanks Bo, I’m gonna try twirling my hair next time. I’ll let you know how it goes 🙂

Jessica
Guest
Bo, That just made me laugh. Some guys do need that much clarity. As my mom used to say, “What do you need? An engraved invitation?” Sadly, I think many women have been raised that showing interest= being immodest. We’re literally taught to stop looking and… I dunno… wait for God to airdrop him, I guess, complete with a little ribbon and a tag, “From: Me. Love, God.” Anything shy of that is obviously NOT in God’s will. ::eye roll:: So, you have women who are told that making eye contact is bad. That smiling at a guy is bad.… Read more »
Jessica
Guest

OMG I completely agree Jessica!!

John Fileta
Guest

I can confirm, there was no hair twirling involved! Although my wife does have great hair…

Debbie M
Guest

Haha at the 2×4. Great insight, Bo! Thank you!

Luke Grossmann
Guest

Bo, my roommate and I, both engineers, were reading your post, and we do take some offense at that statement. It would be perfectly acceptable to write “ask me” on the 2×4 board without hitting us with it! : ) Really though, you have some excellent points. Subtle gestures can give us hints but sometimes words are great too.

Lypisse
Guest

hahahahaa u made it clear in very funny way Bo!i literary laughted out loud on it 😀

Tarithas
Guest

Compliments, showing care for our family by asking how they are doing even if you don’t know any of them and suggesting to us things you’d like to see us do or even wear.

Molly K Allis
Guest
I love this! But I really struggle with 1&2. The church puts us in this bucket that women are supposed to be available to be pursued, but then the guys do not pursue. How far is too far when it comes to the flirting or making it obvious? And what happens if you feel like you are doing those things and he is not responding, but not shutting it down either? You want to be respectful of their boundaries and not “take” any pursuit from them but how far is too far? Which also poses another question of how long… Read more »
Bo
Guest

One more thing-Christine mentioned #6: made me realize that in all my years, I’ve NEVER been inspired to ask a woman out based only on what she was wearing. But when I see a girl with an EXTRA tight shirt and her chest exploding out of the top like canned biscuits, ehh that’s gross.

The word “modesty” kind of annoys me, too. You don’t have to dress in a paper sack. I say be feminine, embrace the curves, & don’t hide. Get his compliments AND his respect.

Alicia
Guest

I think you need to create a meme for social media reminding women not to explode like canned biscuits! Haha, so funny! 😀

CS
Guest

Love the canned biscuits comment! Thank you for being honest to tell the girls out there and help them out. Beside, I dont wanna see that either.

Sharon
Guest

Bo thx for your input. Molly asks good questions. How much and how long to show interest, carefully increasing the amount shown. If the guy is not shutting it down that leaves us to believe there is an openness to us and perhaps he needs the 2×4 approach but we are reluctant to be that obvious.

Janeile
Guest

Rock on, Bo! You made me laugh at the “canned biscuits” analogy. Your advise was good too. Good luck with your date!

lisa m
Guest

I swear, trying to get the “attention” of a man you’re interested in in Christian circles is aggravating to say the least. I like that this list says make it obvious. All too often we are led to believe that women in the church are supposed to “hide” their interest in a man and wait for who knows how long just hoping and praying God drops him in their lap. Doing that (waiting) seems to me like game-playing.

Pam
Guest

I agree with Bo. Enjoy being feminine. Embrace your curves. There’s a good way to dress modestly sexy.
Also ladies take a risk, suggest doing something together. You’re starting out as friends if he has no interest he’ll say no. Move on!

Colby Bandelier
Guest

Give nice, shy guys a chance.

Daniel
Guest

Ladies… say what you mean and mean what you say, we will listen more. Transparency is invited early on and preferred compared to later surprises! Everyone has baggage…share your luggage contents openly…one to another! Trust is paramount!

Corrie Clarke
Guest

@Daniel~

Sharing baggage early on scares people away, doesn’t it? I’ve often thought about how I’d like for both of us (me & hypothetical date) to just lay it all out on the table, but at the same time I think it’d scare me away & I wouldn’t blame him for being scared either….

Alicia
Guest

So, I have a question stemming from #1….I’m very traditional and believe that a guy should do the asking. How do you differentiate between someone who’s clueless and someone who’s genuinely not interested? (Women aren’t mind-readers either!) ; )

Bo
Guest
Alicia – Debra has a link to an eBook in #10 that I bet would be really helpful on this question! In the meantime, I’ve really been thinking about this today and wasn’t sure – then found an article on eHarmony this afternoon that has been HUGE for me (& I think it might help you too). Do a Google search on this exact sentence and it will take you to it: “Is she still behaving in a genuinely receptive, ‘friendly’ manner toward me?” Change the pronouns of course, but what I glean from this article is forget about smiles,… Read more »
Bo
Guest
Read both of your articles last night and they are EXCELLENT! John really hit it out of the park on this one in particular. Totally agree. In college I was more flirty & so that’s how I remember thinking a girl might be interested—if she was playful too. But now that I think about it, that was over 10 years ago and I now resonate with John’s (more mature) list. By the way, I found the article I referenced above after doing a search to see if the “hair twirling” thing was still considered a sign, and it WAS mentioned… Read more »
Melody
Guest
I’m liking the comments on this post! I just have to add one thing about the hair twirling. Bo’s right, it is on every dating site imaginable as a sign of flirting… and as a woman, I’m glad I’ve read that, because I had no idea! =P I’ve always had the habit of playing with my hair, usually when I’m bored, but after reading those dating sites I’ve had to watch myself closely when I’m interacting with a guy, worrying that he might interpret it as flirting. Making eye contact, smiling, remembering personal details–those are all things I do naturally… Read more »
Bo
Guest

Melody –
Great comment. You’re right, I’ve misinterpreted SOO many women’s physical cues through the years as them being interested because I’ve always been so caught up in these “signs.” I remember such embarrassing times in my past where I expressed interest in a girl who I thought was flirting with me & then got the cold treatment which made me feel like a total creeper. Ugh. No one’s at fault; it’s just embarrassing. No wonder we guys want to crawl in a hole sometimes when it comes to dating.

Sarah
Guest

Same here with the hair twirling! My mom would always twirl her hair and I must have picked it up from her. I never knew it was flirtatious! I do remember a guy commenting on it a few times and it really annoyed me, because I had no clue what he was getting at. Now I know to never twirl my hair again! 🙂

Charles
Guest
The very topic of how much is too much in terms of getting our (guys) attention is one I have discussed many time with my fellow female friends and it’s funny at times to hear that some of them have expressed they had interest but I never noted it. A 2×4 approach seems maybe a little over the top but you have to approach the topic/interest in a context of the current situation you are in with the guy. I am in charge of overseeing the entire function of our church campus on a Sunday from setup, service function to… Read more »
Chelsie
Guest
Charles, thank you so much for talking about the difference in having a leadership position! I’m in leadership at my church as well & often find myself in similar situations. Even though it’s great being able to meet so many people that way, the friendliness can easily be misintrerpreted. I’ve found 2 dilemmas with leadership as a single: 1- sometimes it feel like I don’t have time to meet someone if they do catch my eye &/or I have too many people watching to keep it casual. People notice EVERYTHING! 2- as a woman in leadership, I feel like I… Read more »
Alvin
Guest

Best article ever! ha ha

Ms_E
Guest
Thank you thank you THANK you for this post, Debra !!! Too rarely there’s a chance to ask that kind of questions straight from guys themselves – although I absolutely love how much I have learned and been able to ask from my friend’s fiancé about men and how they “work” 😉 I have a long relationship behind me, but it seems that my ex was quite unique about pretty much everything (and I’m saying this for his honor for he’s a great God fearing man) so I’m still totally clueless how and what guys think 😀 So much is… Read more »
Uduak Udoffa
Guest

Nice one Deb. I think its OK for a lady to act nice and friendly towards a guy she is interested in. But then she must watch out for his response. If he likes her as well, he will gladly ask her out. If he’s not taking the bait he will remain lukewarm around her.
In cases of lack of response, she should simply leave him be while remaining cordial.

Freddie
Guest

I’m usually just complaining around here, but I’ll try to be constructive for once. So, from a male engineer’s point of view, if you don’t want to use the 2×4 approach, here are some hints that I might be looking for:
* Smiles are always welcome, as long as you’re genuinely happy to see me
* Talk to me about things you know I love, such as spending time with my brother’s kids
* Show me that you remember the last time we met or talked
* Give me your undivided attention for some time (don’t just say hi while looking around distractedly)

Leah
Guest

Honestly? I’m really tired of guys telling me to make the first move. I won’t do that. Be a man and take a risk. I’m worth it.

Other than that I’m cool with this. 🙂

Nils
Guest

One thing I would say is that, when you’re on a date with a guy, don’t just take about yourself. Ask him questions about his life. Show genuine interest in him.

Nils
Guest

That should be, “don’t just talk about yourself”, not “take”!

Adam
Guest
Please also realize that those of us men who love God sometimes just are not ready to engage in a relationship for whatever reason(s). If you really like a guy who seems not to notice it might be that the best thing you can do is be our friend. To clarify I do NOT mean that you should waste your time with a guy who flirts with you consistently and then refuses to ask you out. I mean that sometimes we are dealing with our own baggage and if you really think that it could be worth the time to… Read more »
RD
Guest
If a guy is not ready for a relationship, he should not be dating in my opinion. Why would a girl get involved with a guy who doesn’t know what he wants or who is insecure about himself? If he has baggage he should get rid of it. From my experience if a guy says he’s not ready that means he’s not interested in you (run as far as you can from him). If he meets a woman he really wants, he MAKES himself ready. Trying to make a guy feel good about himself will take a woman to the… Read more »
Adam
Guest
RD, I was talking about if a woman has interest in a guy but does not know if the interest is mutual. Sometimes a guy does not realize a girl likes him and only sees her as a friend because of his own issues. I am in total agreement about guys seeking a mentor or strong group of brothers to encourage us. I also agree that guys should seek other guys as confidants and be careful with women’s hearts. I just don’t want any of our sisters to feel bad about themselves because some of us are at that point.
Adam
Guest

I forgot to say that I was not talking about dating. More the friendship that could lead to it or not…. I should have clarified that in my original comment.

Chelsie
Guest

Adam, this is a great reminder 🙂

Kimberle Fields
Guest

thus list is jyst basic communiction.
i know way too
many women who don’t
communicate well. if you like
him, then don’t play games. if
you don’t like him say no. yes it
will hurt his feelings but not making your no obvious is cruel.
if he is doing something you
don’t like, tell him. so many
women just sulk or give the
silent treatment saying “he
should know what he did wrong.”

NOT MIND READERS.
that really was like what every
point said.

Brianna
Guest

I like this list a lot. it’s nice to have some input from a guys perspective!! By the way, I think the “hair twirling sign” is true. Apparently, I have unknowingly done this on a few dates in the past and the man that I was dating at the time actually told me that he took it as a positive sign to move forward (amongst other signs)!

Sara
Guest

This was very refreshing- I just want to thank the guys for sharing their thoughts. I would agree with Charles… Finding a solid Christian man, who is single… very difficult to find. And much more if you don’t get out much. My life is work, school and ministry. But it’s nice to hear that there are still single men out (who love Jesus and who love to serve) who are thinking of us too. 🙂

Loving the Journey
Guest

Twirling of hair lol …I’ve done that since I was little so I’m thinking its OK from a guy perspective. I don’t can my biscuits but they are definitely there and I feel good about them! Haha!
Speaking from your heart …I think guys might like that as long as its a sprinkling and not thick like frosting ;). Give and take on the flirting and twirling it seems?
Blessings …

Loving the Journey
Guest

Thank you so much for the smiles this article gave me …:D.

Sam
Guest

Being a single man who had thought God wanted me to remain single, I could easily not pay any attention to the subtle hints. Instances like that my mind automatically just assumes that its the devil working to get me to succumb to a relationship. Instead of a 2×4 to the head, it will take a Caterpillar D-8 dozer with ripper to run over me before I fully understand that a particular female is interested and that she is truly something God wants me to have for his glory instead of the devil tormenting me.

Scott M.
Guest
I agree w/the ladies’ making it obvious that they’re interested. Us guys CAN be clueless at times. Lol! As a guy with some dating experience, I would appreciate some “hints” from a female that she’s available. Smiling, good eye contact and positive body language are just some examples of what I, as a man, look for before asking a woman out. Also, yes, please respond if we leave you a message. It’s so frustrating when women don’t respond at all to our invites. I liken it to women’s desire for men to say good bye, if there’s no longer an… Read more »
Greg
Guest
@ Scott M.: Agreed, and just for the record, it’s a fact that men are less than half as savvy at reading body language correctly as women; which helps explain why women sending the “I’m interested in you” are probably not getting the response(s) they expect. Many of us guys also have a lot of doubt/questions about exactly what a smile from a gal means: Is she just being polite? Just outgoing and smiles at everyone? Thinks I’m ugly and is laughing at me inside? Is my collar askew, or hair not combed right? @ Sara: We’re out there…just don’t… Read more »
Zachary
Guest
As one of the people who mentioned modesty on the original FB post asking the question, I want to clarify my own view on modesty in light of some of the comments here (some of them had me holding my sides). My view of modesty is fairly simple. You don’t need to walk around in a hoodie with sweatpants to be modest. Just don’t show any more skin than necessary. It’s distracting, and I’d much rather be looking in your eyes (hard for me with Asperger’s Syndrome, but that’s another issue altogether) and admiring your hair than looking down below.… Read more »
Zachary
Guest

Messed up my wording. Instead of “we might not take the time to sample the rest,” I probably should have said “we might not take the time to enjoy/experience the rest.” Just sounds a little cleaner. lol

Esther
Guest
Hello!! I liked this very much, especially the thing about “making it obvious”. The thing is (and I hope you will give me some little advice for this), I’m a very sociable girl, I like talking with people and I can have a deep conversations with a man without being actually flirting. I’m smiling most of the time (I’m an extravert!) and I say hello to people but this is polite. I can ask a boy how he is or if his studies are going well because I actually care about people. So how can I make it something obvious… Read more »
Matt
Guest
Ha, I agree with this list a lot. Bo is also spot on with the 2×4 and canned biscuits references. I’m a guy who usually needs a 2×4 bc when you’re interacting with many ppl throughout the week, you get use to the flow of things and don’t give some details with the opposite sex a second thought. As for “canned biscuits,” ….yeah, major turn off. On top of that, if I see a girl flaunting her strengths/attractions to her advantage with many other guys and not just focusing on one guy at a time, that screams warning signs and… Read more »
Eric
Guest

Deb,
After how forcefully I’ve been shot down in my last few attempts at reading into signals less subtle than the 2×4 approach, I think I’m not alone in saying I would be really interested in seeing a post on what signals we’re supposed to be looking for.

Patience
Guest

You’re totally right about. Engineering mind or technical mind..

Jennifer H
Guest

If a man is interested in a woman who has caught his attention, he will pursue her and pursue HARD, relentlessly if just can let her slip away! Anything short of this he is too busy or has issues he needs to resolve or is already interested in someone else..my 2 cents from my experience.

Will
Guest

I think what I find difficult is there are often not many opportunities to chat with someone that catches your eye 1-on-1 which I think is a shame.

In my experience, if I ask someone to meet up for a coffee or a meal, I’m not asking to date them there and then but simply wanting to see if we have enough to talk about for an hour and enjoy each other’s company 1-on-1.

James
Guest

A counselor friend of mine when asked about modesty suggested that a woman wear her clothes tight enough to show she’s a woman and loose enough to show she’s a lady.

I fall under the engineering category of someone needing to be pretty direct about their interest with me. Part of that is also collateral damage from past relationships as well as personality.

Adelina V
Guest

I’m enjoying reading these posts so much! I also greatly appreciate the men’s responses on this topic. Thanks for being open and candid. 😀

Chantel
Guest

Oh my Debra ,hubby and Crew…,I love the back and forth dialogue and I love hearing from men on this platform.

God bless you all, and hang in there,the wait will be worth it !!!!

Will Emler
Guest

Debra, In Recent Light Of #10 I Haven’t Been Asked Out On A Date In Almost 2 Yrs Since My Previous Relationship. But I Do Have This Question Have I Been Forgotten? Well It Sure Does Seem Like That I’m Always The Forgotten One That Doesn’t Have A Good Looking Lady Like A Few Of My Friends Do & A Few Of Them Are Married Except Me

Oye
Guest

You’re hilarious….i totally love this! #1 is a major challenge though as i wouldn’t want to appear cheap! Jeez! Why does it have to be this tough though…

Nadya
Guest

Eh, I actually can relate to the 2×4 approach. As in, I often need it used on me! Can’t tell you how many times I’ve walked away from a conversation with a guy only to have my friend tell me that guy was hitting on me. Que blank expression…
Have to say, it’s been cracking me up, reading these posts. Some of the best lines ever. I wish this were all in person

Nadya
Guest

Aaarrgghh! Cue. The word is ‘cue’

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