10 Things Single Girls Want Single Guys to Know

In Dating, For the Guys, Relationships, Single by Debra Fileta78 Comments

Earlier this week on Facebook, I asked Single Guys and Single Girls to tell me what they wanted the opposite sex to know.

Part 1 of this 2-part series (10 Things Single Guys Want Single Girls to Know), has caused some awesome (and hilarious) dialogue among the genders (go check out the comment section)!

So in light of that, let’s take a look at the flip side – the complex and beautiful minds of women. Here are some of the top 10 things single girls want single guys to know: 

  1. Be confident! Not arrogant, but confident. We find it really attractive.
  2. Don’t bother talking to me if you’re talking to someone else, too. One at a time, bachelor, one at a time…
  3. Chivalry is still lovely, but it isn’t enough to win a girl.
  4. Be brave! If you’re interested, say something!!!!! We want to know.
  5. Sometimes, we just want to be friends. Don’t take it too personally, because we’d rather protect your heart than lead you on.
  6. You don’t have to be a supermodel, but remember, hygiene REALLY matters. So, take care of yourself.
  7. We’re just going to say it: A genuine love for the Jesus is a total turn-on…
  8. We’re not perfect, so please make sure you have realistic expectations as to what a REAL woman really looks like.
  9. If you’re not interested, please be honest. Don’t string us along because the damage that comes from a broken heart takes a while to heal. Actions speak louder than words.
  10. Your heart is the most meaningful part of who you are. Make sure you’re working on yours before you try to win mine.

Comment below: Single guys, what did you think of their advice? Single ladies, what are some other things you want single guys to know? 

It’s time to do dating the right way. Guy or girl….your love-life needs this book.

Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, national speaker, and author of True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life21 Days to Jump Start Your Love Life, and 21 Days to Pray For Your Love Life – where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. You may also recognize her voice from her 150+ articles at Relevant Magazine or Crosswalk.com! She’s also the creator of this True Love Dates Blog!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter or book a session with her today!

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78 Comments on "10 Things Single Girls Want Single Guys to Know"

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mercy
Guest

Your genuine love for God guarantee ur love for us,

shirley D
Guest

Totally agree with this point and all others 🙂

Bo
Guest

Baha! #6: “Brush your teeth….. wash your undercarriage.” (Duly noted.)

Tarithas
Guest

Wow!! Wouldn’t it be too early to tell you we’re interested even before you start liking us?

Lauren
Guest

Not really. You don’t have to be super weird about it (e.g., “I’m really interested in pursuing you,” or, “I think we could have a future together.”). Being honest about your interest just means asking us out for coffee and sending clear signals instead of going the mixed-message-filled “friendship” route where you want to “hang out” all the time and aren’t honest about your intent.

Sean
Guest

What do you mean by clear signals?

Lauren
Guest

Being “clear” just means being consistent, not confusing. That means not showing a lot of interest, then talking about or flirting with other girls; not ignoring her at some social events, then paying her tons of attention at others; not going days or weeks without talking to her. The main idea is to leave the girl without any doubt that you like her.

Sean
Guest

Hey thanks a lot! That includes messaging regularly? As we don’t see each other that often. It’s just that I like talking to people when they are in front of me, the real interaction instead of being behind a screen. What do you think?

Lauren
Guest
This is based on my personal experience, so it’s not a hard-and-fast rule of dating. There are people I care about in my life and I don’t talk to them everyday. However, when I want to tell them something that’s happened to me or I see something that makes me think of them, I let them know! And I expect a response! Having preferences about mode of communication or not seeing someone very often are legitimate factors that make a “rule” about communicating impossible. I will say that if the two of you are growing closer, you should be communicating… Read more »
Sean
Guest

Thank you for your answer and experience, it helps me quite a bit! God bless.

Slightly Confused
Guest

Maybe I’m just being obtuse (or just being a guy!), but I’m slightly confused by number 2. What sense of the term “talking” is being referred to here? I think I’m missing some context.

jessy
Guest

The difference is in being polite (always welcome) as against ” chatting up”. When you are attached to someone, you should be mindful of the way you relate to the opposite sex. A keeper never wants to come across as lacking in fidelity.

Lauren Jean
Guest
From my experience, because my church got hit hard with the “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” message, often time no one is asking each other out, but instead we “talk” to each other. We do it under the veil of friendship, but really it’s just a way to date without anyone getting hurt (having a real definable reason for why they end up hurt if things don’t proceed). I have friends who started hanging out (in groups) and talking on the phone to one guy, and they start expecting that this is going somewhere, because why in the world would he… Read more »
Jessica
Guest

wow, well said. In my experience there are men that look to woman for approval and so though they are not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship, they enjoy the attention from the opposite sex. I would be weary of a man that has a lot of woman friends and not many male friends for sure.

abel
Guest
No, it doesn’t clear things up! What if I am simply getting to know more than 1 girl at a time. Is my discovery limited to superficial conversations or does protocol dictate I may only get to know 1 girl at a time? And whose protocol? Is it based on some scriptural principle? It sounds like #2 is saying guys cannot date several women at a time in order to determine who to court, but must only date one at a time, checking them off their list sequentially. Sounds more like a a recipe from a Disney fairy tale than… Read more »
Desiree
Guest

‘Is this a fellowship group outing or speed dating?’ was most of my church life 🙂

E.S.
Guest
How I understand the 2nd as a woman is that if you (a guy) are interested in a girl, and you’re in “speaking terms” with her – meaning that you’re talking with her b e c a u s e you’re interested – don’t do the same with other girls. I mean, of course you’re allowed to speak to whomever you wish – this is not about denying you to talk to women! – but in THAT sense. It is very possible to be interested in many at the same time, there’s nothing wrong with that, but for heaven’s sake… Read more »
Chelsie
Guest

Slightly Confused, I am assuming this is the stage of intentionality right before you are officially a couple or deciding if you want to be a couple. If you’re going out of your way to get to know someone, please make sure it’s only one person at a time and don’t “keep your options open.”

Kay
Guest

A girl wants to know the guy she likes isn’t hitting up any one else. One at a time

Justine
Guest

Please be man enough to say goodbye. If you’ve been talking to a girl regularly then decide to discontinue the relationship, please say goodbye. Don’t just leave her wondering for the next few months if she’ll ever hear from you again. It would be so much kinder to tell her it’s over than to leave her dangling.

Vincent Ortega
Guest

Great info. #4 I need to work on, I am shy and quiet type. Good article thank you Debra.

Tamara
Guest
Agreed! A man who loves God & serves because He loves God is attractive! I would maybe add these two… Gentlemen- ask us questions about us (women)! If you’re interested, please show genuine interest in who we are. It’s not fun to be the girl who feels like she has to carry the conversation by asking all the questions (and then never get asked the same questions in return). Learn about us. It’s impressive to know you’ve taken the time to remember details about us/our lives. Also, please don’t wait for a woman to come along & “fix” you or… Read more »
Vincent Ortega
Guest

Very well said Tamara!

Jael Sierra
Guest
Yes! Tamara, I agree completely. Conversation, the effort to get to know a women , shows interest and makes us feel cared about in a sense. Carrying the conversation one-sidedly can end up feeling like an interrogation if all the other person does is answer yes or no, but claims to be genuinely interest. However I’m always appreciative when a man, in learning about a woman, is aware when they are treading on rather personal waters and don’t insist on being told every single detail of everything. A good male friend of mind actually set that example for me when… Read more »
Manna
Guest

I’ve always found a man who is respectful of everyone attractive. I like a man who who has no problem associating with people who may not be perceived as “cool” or just with people in his age group. A guy who has friends considerably older and considerably younger than himself is a preference of mine.

Lianne
Guest

Very well said Tamara!!!

Abi
Guest

I wanna scream #2 from the rooftops. lol. I’ve been told that I’m expecting to much by excepting that if a guy is telling me he’s interested in me, to assume that he’s only talking to me. That leads into #9.

And #7 is a definite yes!!! =)

Rachel
Guest

These did land on great points! And Tamara (comment above) I really agree – ask us questions. You might be flustered or nervous… but being interested in us means interest in our lives and how we are doing. It makes us feel special and truly admired. Like you’d treat any close friend!
Also – we do love conversation. Make sure there’s always time to talk, catch up – not all activities.
Keep seeking God guys! And letting us know there’s good men out there 🙂

Sara
Guest
I think #2 is the popular one here! I also want to scream #2!!!!!! ha-ha I don’t know what’s going on in today’s society where men feel that they need to get emotionally involved with more than one woman at a time. Is it a game? Sometimes I feel like its a game of catch and release. They want to see how many women they can attract (male ego maybe?) and then won’t even be man enough to tell them “I’m not interested”. (#9) They will ignore them and treat them poorly until they “get the point.” It’s so sad.… Read more »
Dawn
Guest
If you ask us out and we nicely tell you we are not interested, please believe us and leave us alone. I lead worship at a smaller church. A man that began attending 6 months or so ago let me know he was interested. I told him that I am not interested in him – he is 20 years older than me, divorced, 5 kids that are not much younger than I am. He said he understood. But he still keeps messaging, texting and asking me to attend church outings with him, or trying to invite himself to go with… Read more »
Justin
Guest

Dawn,

Have you tried letting your pastor or your pastor’s wife know? They may be able to help you! It wouldn’t be gossip, especially if it’s making you uncomfortable. Sometimes being too nice can muffle your “no’s”. Hope this helps!

Sam T.
Guest

So he’s not in your preferred age range and he has kids. Perhaps you need to be less picky and choosey. However this does not mean he has a right to disrespect your non-interest. Are you firm enough in saying no? Have you blocked him from messaging and texting you? If that doesn’t work then you should report him to the authorities.

shirley D
Guest

Yeah Dawn you might want to talk to your pastor or elders about this. That can be so uncomfortable 🙁

Justin
Guest
Hey, I’ve been reading your book (Currently on chapter 5), and it’s painful how true much of this is. I’ve been single (against my will) for the past 7 years, and at this point, it’s been very difficult to come to terms with places that I need to grow. For the past few years, learning about my weaknesses and my faults, and my lack of change, has brought me to the realization that there is a good reason that I’m in the yellow column (or someone’s red column). My hope and prayer is that the Lord in His mercy isn’t… Read more »
Monica
Guest

# 7 is my favorite!!!

Angelina
Guest

Here’s some other tips: Though its important to put your best foot forward, don’t put on a mask. Believe us, we see right through it. Here’s something I heard one time about talking to people: Ask the person you are talking to three questions BEFORE talking about yourself. It really shows that you care about them. You can easily ask them a question and then use a follow-up question.

Mista B
Guest
Good stuff here…some of this I’ve intuited over the years, but #5 is still a difficult truth for me since I’ve had to hear that all too often. I’ve been going to a new church for a few months (my old one closed down); one of the girls that works on staff there has got me curious. I didn’t notice her right away when I first started going, she just sort of snuck up on me. Anyway, she’s either executing her church duties or engaged in other conversations, and I feel it would be rude to interrupt either one. Fortunately,… Read more »
Christine
Guest
Hey I appreciate you sharing your story and being sensitive to the girl you’ve noticed and what she would appreciate. It sounds like you are on the right track, and you’re asking good questions, but it may not be enough for her to know you’re interested yet. I might be the dense kind of girl (having not dated much), but I really don’t “discern it in a fella right from the start” as far as whether he’s interested or not. So If I was the girl in the situation you described, I would probably wonder if you might be interested… Read more »
Scott M.
Guest

How does a guy know if a woman just desires to be friends? Most of the time, women seem to be vague that they want to keep things in the “friend zone.”

Dee
Guest
Hi Scott… This is just MY opinion as I can’t speak for all women. If I just want to be friends, I try to only be friendly in a way that will not send mix messages…..THAT is a NO NO for both men and women. I usually just say hi, how are you and depending where we are (work, church, etc.) I may ask how things are going and then just say have a great day. If I have an interest in a guy, then I will spend more time talking to get to know him. I may go out… Read more »
Evelyn
Guest
Mista B, this is just my humble opinion but I’m thinking that from the girl’s perspective, especially given her role in the church as well, one 1 minute conversation might not be enough for her to do anything that might be considered as ‘making a move.’ I understand that it’s not easy for some guys to approach a girl but I’m guessing that in her role in the church, she talks to guys all the time and thinking that every guy she talks to might be interested would be really exhausting. Be brave, soldier. I pray God’s wisdom and boldness… Read more »
Mista B
Guest
Thanks Evelyn and Christine for the kind words…the perspective you each brought has given me a better picture going forward, if I do go forward. I just got back from service earlier tonight. I saw her in the lobby afterward, she had just concluded a conversation and seemed available for another approach. As I tried to move in that direction, I had a row of people blocking my path. By the time I excused my way through, she suddenly went into motion, walking by in front of me without looking at me. I think she was headed to another area… Read more »
Emily Rachelle
Guest

(A) I don’t care what reason you could possibly think up. Never, ever, ever, NEVER stand a girl up.

(B) When you’re done with a girl, have the decency to say goodbye, instead of standing her up, telling her you’re ER-level ill, and then going radio silent for a week while posting on Facebook about awesome all-night dance parties. *not bitter about personal experiences at all*

Scott M.
Guest

Thx for the feedback Evelyn. It’s helpful info. Anyone else want to weigh in? Comments and/or suggestions are welcome!

ALVIN
Guest

Thank you so much for the advice but i think what you have raised works for two parties both the guy and the lady to have the same things in common.

ALVIN
Guest

what i dont understand is that,should the guy alone be brave or it has to be both(what i mean is shouldnt the lady be brave at one point also?)

Esther Ayebale
Guest

Alvin, Yes we as girls should also be brave however in this sense the guy should be brave to speak out his intents and not leave the girl in space or thinking …….

Essie
Guest

Thank you so much Debra for the Platform,,,, there is wisdom here.

Erich
Guest

To the person who said “I would be weary of a man that has a lot of woman friends and not many male friends” This, in my experience, is actually quite common. Men do not relate to men in the same way that women relate to women. Most men only have one and in many cases no close friends. Its unfortunate, but very true. So, please don’t pass us by because men do not have a lot of man friends. That fact doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with us.

Greg
Guest

@ Erich: +1 on what you said; plus some guys have had very few opportunities to interact with women (esp. during the teen years)…not an excuse; just saying. Only makes it harder (all-boys’ high schools don’t help in that regard).

@ Debra: Thanks for breaching the topic for discussion on this (and many more via your website)–there are plenty of God-instilled differences between men and women that need to be mutually understood and appreciated. Communication is key!

Jeff
Guest

Another +1 for Erich. I can’t speak for all guys here, but for me personally, I look for common interests, similar temperaments, and the possibility of more depth than “hi and bye” in friends – sometimes that leads me to male friends, sometimes it leads me to female friends.
Believe me, it’s not about “the attention.” Better to ask questions than to assume based on appearances.

Sarah
Guest
Though I liked the majority of these…number 7 would certainly be top of my list! This does not mean he has to be a Bible-thumping, at church every time the doors are open, go to every Bible study, hand raising, hallelujah guy {not that those are necessarily bad, though I get the point of thumping your Bible, but I regress}, I really just want the guy to know Him, surrender to Him and strive to obey Him. And I’ll echo #4…if you are interested, state it, act on it, write it on your forehead, text it, hire an airplane writer,… Read more »
Andy
Guest
I’m a 42 yr. old divorced Christian man. Not quite ready to re enter dating world yet, mostly trying to understand what went wrong with my first marriage (and fixing my problems). I unequivocally believe #2 is wrong. A man should never be in a committed relationship with 1 woman unless he is either engaged or married. To explain my position fully would use a lot of space, most people wouldn’t read anyway. The short version is that “serial monogamy” only benefits a select few (the most attractive women in her prime years of 22-25). Men, ask a single woman… Read more »
Andy
Guest

And men while it may be tempting, as Tamara suggests, to tell more about yourself, etc., this is a huge mistake for a man to do. Find your mission in life, and focus on it (Him). As an interesting man, she will want to find out more about you. Make her work for it, be a mystery. Tell her only the minimal she needs to know until she proves herself worthy of you.

Theresa
Guest
Love this article And these comments have helped too! I struggle with #4 SO MUCH. Just tell us your intentions please so at least then we can move on instead of wondering every time we’re out together. I’m friends with this man who is so perfect for me we have so much in common. We are getting closer every day text messages, calls but most importantly seeing each other. He has opened up to me and told me all his problems etc and I’m the only person he has ever opened up to. The centre of our friendship is Christ… Read more »
Luke
Guest

How long do you think it is okay to be friends with a woman before asking her out to a small no pressure date like coffee etc?

Daniel Kilby
Guest
It’s one thing to settle in on a gal once you know more about here, and another thing entirely to do so from the get go–aka, chemistry is not interest, and shouldn’t be treated as such. That said, clearly communicating that you’re dating multiple people until you figure out who you should pursue–and only UNTIL you figure that out–is a step most guys tend to forget for some reason. Communication is important–just as important as not settling in on a guy or gal right away when first getting to know each other, or placing too much emphasis on the first… Read more »
Laura
Guest
It is absolutely ok for a guy to meet several girls at the same time, and you should expect it (especially in online dating). But I have had occaisions when a man sent me a poem as first interaction. Or somebody kissed me on the first date, which made me completely awkward on the following dates, and later he said to me, that I had been too insecure and not challenging him during our conversations. He did not take the time to get to know me, and did not grasp, that I was intimidated by what seemed to me a… Read more »
A dude
Guest

But then where is the line between friends and dating?

I don’t necessarily want to be with a girl all the time if I’m not dating her, even if I am super interested. If I am friends with her I will treat her as I treat all my friends who are girls, so I’m not with her all. The. Time.

Where is that line?

Shay Johnson
Guest

Love it, That’s my hesitation, most men haves this mediocate mindset, to get a woman, and then it’s over after a couple of weeks. I want a real love that will last, and yes, he better do he’s part to work on him as me on myself. The heart is the most important part, because, i’ve been hurt and let down through friends and family sometimes, my trust has been shaking.

So thank you for this, debra. Please keep me in prayer and god bless!

Jesse
Guest

Some super great insight here! Thanks so much Debra for posting and to all y’all for sharing your thoughts! 🙂

Here’s a Q I just want to throw out there… How can a guy best initiate towards a girl or show interest without coming off as creepy haha? If I’m honest, the fear of coming off as creepy makes me slow to pursue girls in addition to being more of a awkward/shy guy. Thinking that I need to know them casually for a long time before ever expressing interest. Any thoughts?

Laura
Guest
Hi Jesse, I think it is close to impossible to put her to rout because of “creepiness”. The only thing that could irreversibly intimidate me would be wanting too much too early. For me that would be: Love letters or poems, a remark that you find her sexy, flowers on the first date, talking about how you envision marriage, talking about children, asking her friends about her (if they are not your friends as well), raising attention in public, hugging, kissing, holding hands. You cannot make any mistakes, if you love her, according to the degree of acquaintance. Many people… Read more »
Michael H.
Guest

Really, as long as you are confident and comfortable and not saying inappropriate things (relationship talk too early, tmi stuff) then you will be fine.

And in reply to your other comment, noticing signals is something that’s not easy but can be learned (as well as knowing what’s *not a signal*).

Will Emler
Guest

Hey Debra, In Light Of # 6 I’m Really Not A Supermodel But I Am A Very Good Role Model & Yes Personal Hygiene Is very Important I Practice Great Hygiene Everyday Includes Being Shaved As Well

Krista
Guest

Hey, Jesse,

To me, showing interest can be as simple as asking them on a date! I hate the words “hang out”, because then you just wonder if you’re hanging out as friends or if it’s a date. But honestly, as a girl, I spend half the time wishing I could crawl into the guy’s head and try to figure out what he’s thinking about “us”. I really think honesty is the best policy, and it doesn’t have to be creepy!

Jennifer H
Guest
Hi Jesse, I’m thinking of how I would want the guy who has caught my attention at church to show interest in me.. -direct eye contact, catch her eye hold it and smile big, a big genuine smile. Gauge her reaction does she gaze and smile back? -nearness, if everyone is talking in groups like after church mingle over to her. Is she glancing at you when you glance at her? -speak to her, ask questions that Christians friends would ask like is she doing a Bible study and what is she studying? What has she learned? What Christian artists… Read more »
Jennifer H
Guest

Hi Jesse, I replied not directly to u like this but under your comment, sorry!

Jesse
Guest

Awesome, that’s really helpful! Thanks for the great insight Jennifer, Krista and Laura! Great to hear a girl’s perspective on this. I’m a guy that can be slow to read and give those subtle signs of showing interest… or maybe that’s just how most guys are haha?? It’s not because I’m not interested but just slow or unsure about how to best express myself and respect a girl. What you all shared is way helpful though and helps me better understand how to best start things off 😉

Scott M
Guest
Wow, I didn’t realize that my question and the answers were from 2015! Time flies! But, thank you to all who responded with insights. Btw, regarding the woman I was interested in, I asked her out, as I recall, 3 times. Each time I asked, however, something came up with her and we never got together. Finally, I shared these things with a trusted person in my life and the suggestion was to move on. She stated that something is preventing this woman from meeting with me one on one, while she seems more responsive to group things (I.e. she… Read more »
Dan
Guest
“And I’ll echo #4…if you are interested, state it, act on it, write it on your forehead, text it, hire an airplane writer, but don’t make us guess. Chances are we are interested in you and just waiting to be sure before we really show you.” I know I’m digging up an old post here, but I just found this article today… Thanks for this comment. There’s a young lady at church who I’ve been talking to and am interested in. She’s been sending some possible signals that I’ve thought might be signs of returning interest, but I’m not sure.… Read more »
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