10 Signs That He/She Is Just Not That Into You

In Advice and Encouragement, Dating, For the Guys, For the Ladies, Relationships by Debra Fileta16 Comments

Having a hard time reading their interest? Wondering whether or not they are as into you as you are into them?

Here are a few signs to confirm that maybe it’s time to walk away, trusting God for something better:

  1. You Hardly Communicate or Interact: Does he return your text message 5 days later? Does she go days without filling you in? When both parties are interested, communication is continuous and interaction is generous. In a healthy relationship, you desire to get to know one another and each and every day brings a valuable opportunity for conversation. If he/she is interested in you, you’ll see it by the amount of time they invest being deliberate about interacting with you.
  1. He/She’s Open About Other Interests: Is he/she talking to you about another interest? Did he mention that good-looking girl, or did she talk about that sweet guy she met the other day? That’s a sure-fire sign that your romantic relationship is on the back-burner. And that’s a good thing, because you don’t want to be with someone that you have to beg for their attention. You deserve better than that.
  1. He/She Doesn’t Invite You Into Their Life: One mark that a relationship is going somewhere is the slow integration of your lives. He/She should eventually let you into their lives, and they into yours. Have you met their friends and family? Have you been invited into their word? If you’ve been in a relationship for a few months and the answer to this question is still NO- then you might want to ask yourself why?
  1. He/She Flirts with Others/Lacking in Boundaries with the Opposite Sex: Not only is this a sign that he/she is not that into you, but it’s also a sign that maybe you shouldn’t be that into him/her. A relationship that starts with a lack of boundaries, usually stays there. A healthy relationship will display actions that prove that YOU are the priority.
  1. Your Physical Relationship Outweighs Your Commitment: Anyone who tries to get physical early on in a relationship is in it for themselves. There is a proper place for healthy affection in a dating relationship, but when your physical relationship surpasses your commitment- you have to ask yourself what it is they REALLY want from you: your heart, or your body?
  1. You are Giving More Than You’re Getting Out of the Relationship: One of the main signs that he/she is not interested is that you find yourself doing most or even all of the work in the relationship. You’re initiating, planning, communicating, calling, texting, checking in, and giving- all while receiving little to nothing back. A one-way relationship isn’t actually a relationship, because real relationships are reciprocal. The faster you get out, the better off you’ll be.
  1. He/She wants to Make You someone You’re Not: Do you feel like he/she is constantly trying to change you? Commenting on all the negative things and openly critiquing you? If that’s the case he/she is not that into you- because instead of falling in love with who you ARE, they’re focused in on who you’re NOT.
  1. He/She Doesn’t Ask Questions to Get to Know You: If he/she is not that into you, conversation will confirm it because it will likely be all about them and not about you. When someone is truly interested in you, they do everything they can to learn who you are. In healthy relationships, conversation will be balanced, and consists of give-and-take.
  1. He/She Doesn’t Make You a Priority: How many excuses does it take for you to realize that he/she is not that into you? From some of the emails I get, apparently the answer to that question is: a whole lot. If he/she is constantly making excuses of why they “can’t”, maybe it’s time for you to back off and search for someone who CAN. Healthy relationships prioritize one another.
  1. You Find Yourself More Confused Than Confident: A healthy relationship will bring about a sense of confidence that you’re both on the same page. Because in a healthy relationship, each passing day will take away questions and doubt, rather than fueling more. If you find yourself constantly struggling to know where your relationship stands, it’s time to take a step back and ask yourself some hard questions. Healthy relationships are not defined by drama, but by maturity, good communication, and mutual respect. You owe it to yourself to wait for that.

Say goodbye to mediocre relationships, and instead, wait for magnificent.

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Did this article resonate with you? Do you find yourself constantly attracting the wrong kind of people? There’s a reason for that: because you will always attract people who are a similar level of emotional health. The healthier you become, the healthier your relationships will be. In the theme of that concept, I’m thrilled to let you know that in just a few short days I’ll be launching a brand-new program that I’ve been putting together for the last 6 months: 21 Days to Jump-Start Your Love-Life! You don’t want to miss this life-changing program! And get this, ONLY my email subscribers will have access to the special introductory discount rate!! If you haven’t joined my email subscriber list, join today and stay tuned for updates!
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Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, speaker, and author of the book True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. You may also recognize her voice from her 100+ articles at Relevant Magazine or Crosswalk.com! She’s also the creator of this True Love Dates Blog!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter

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16 Comments on "10 Signs That He/She Is Just Not That Into You"

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Cedrick
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Thank You! I think it’s about time I stop struggling and open my heart to a true relationship.

johnbdyer
Guest

Can’t tell you enough Debra, how much your articles mean to me, thank you again, God bless you continually and abundantly, every day that their there a enjoy every one of them, them lift me up in Christ, and praise and glorify Him also which is why I so appreciate you, Jesus continue to shine on her face, amen, John

Norah from Europe
Guest
“You don’t want to be with someone that you have to beg for their attention. You deserve better than that.” THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!! I’m in tears here Debra. I so needed to hear this! What a relief to see that it’s not supposed to be all on me – that a relationship is a tango for TWO, not a one way street. I think I’m gonna print this article out so that I can take a look at these points every once in a while. Bless you Debra and the the great wisdom God has given you.… Read more »
Loving the Journey
Guest

I think I was drawn to guys who couldn’t return my affections …but have learned to walk away from them. I have no desire for pain and misery ;). Lol think I’d much rather enjoy life and squeeze the goodness from it rather than the toxins :). I’d say yes to friendship and Harleey rides in the sunsets this summer …yes to smiles and great conversation! Life is too short for less …

Deymi
Guest

Thank you Debra!!
I love your blog!

Hugs from Dominican Republic! 😀

Tope
Guest

Thanks Debra for sharing your thoughts with us and urging us towards better relationships. God bless you!

anonymous
Guest

this was helpful. I realised I wasnt into someone and instead of letting them go I hurt them instead. #notcool. yeah its best to be your best before you start dating bc sometimes you can do more harm than good.

Nobly Princewill
Guest

Do we realy attract people like us or opposites? I feel attraction has 2 do with what you see not what you know

Kataryna
Guest

Oh thanks a lot, it’s very useful information, as i have mentioned above! Now i’m dating with one man, and it will be useful to understand his intentions) Thanks! Thaks! Thanks! I have some question, if he very stick to his believes and don’t want to share mine? Is that a really bad sign? Other sides of our relationships are really amazing!

Bojana
Guest

Thank you so much for these thoughts, it helped me realize that she is not good for me. Once again, thanks! Greetings from Belgrade

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